Breaking Faith
by SammieLynnsMom
Summary: Entry In The Cherry Exchange: Bella has used God as a source of strength to counter act the instability in her life. What happens when He rips away someone Bella loves, and how will she and Edward learn to cope?


**Entry for "The Cherry Exchange 2010"**

**Title: Breaking Faith**

**Penname: SammieLynnsMom**

**Rating: M**

**Word Count: 14,995**

**Summary: Bella has used God as a source of strength to counter act the instability in her life. What happens when He rips away someone Bella loves, and how will she and Edward learn to cope?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the Bible. I was baptized Catholic, but chose a different way as an adult, so although I have pulled from some personal experience it's not all. I've been to several different churches and no two ran the exact same way. Understand what happens in Phoenix and Forks does not speak for all Christians. This is just their story. **

**Thank you to Nitareality for helping me outline this idea when my original one wouldn't work. Morethanmyself for keeping me on task and sane during my meltdowns. TG10781, Obsmama, and Xoxovetterz for pre-reading. V & stupidlamb118 for betaing this monster. At the completion of the contest I will post it in original form, roughly 28,000 words.  
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_"He gives power to the weak. He increases the strength of him who has no might." Isaiah 40:29_

When I was two, my mother left my father's house with me in tow. If you listen to her version the wind was howling, with rain beating down and hail shooting from the blackened sky. Everything was very dramatic with far too much fan-fare for what had actually happened, but I'd spent all her life humoring her, so I never bothered to remind her that I could remember that night.

_"Mommy, I want Daddy!" I wailed._

_"Isabella, hush," Renee snapped._

_"But what about Daddy?" I sobbed as she fastened my car seat._

_"You'll see him later, Isabella. It's time to leave."_

_I cried myself to sleep in the back of her old station wagon._

We never stayed in a town for longer than a year after that, so I was constantly the "new girl" at school. By the time I hit second grade, I had all but given up on making any friends. On top of it all I had learned my father was killed when I was seven. Renee explained that he was responding to a robbery and was shot.

_"When my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahweh will take me up." Psalms 27:10_

Living with Renee was chaotic and lonely. I constantly struggled between playing the part of daughter and mother. Even on days I wanted to just be a kid I'd still have to remind her that she needed to pay rent or go buy groceries.

With every move came the same routine. I'd establish our address and our phone number so I always knew where to go if I were to ever get lost. Then, I'd find two separate escape routes in case the worst possible scenario happened. Next, I'd set up my bed and my books, followed by the kitchen. Last, I'd find the local library and befriend the librarian.

When I was nine I secretly stole a Bible out of a trashy motel Renee had us living in temporarily. At first it captivated me; I began to try and picture myself in that time, but then one day it just became more. Instead of reading the Bible as a work of fiction, I saw it for the truth it held.

Every night I'd talk to Him, and even though He didn't always talk back, He was there. He was my constant through both good days and bad.

_"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." Hebrews 13:4_

During my second week at my newest school, Erika barrelled up to me to introduce herself. She was sweet, nice and everyone's friend. She invited me to a sleepover that weekend. I jumped at the chance and thanked God for giving me the chance to be a normal fifteen year old, if only for a night.

Sadly, Erika didn't show up to school that Friday. When I got home her mom had left a message letting me know Erika was sick. I sighed and headed off to the library.

After spending several hours at the library, I noticed the sun started to set and I knew that was my cue to head home.

"That's it, just like that bitch," I heard a man's voice as I raised my hand to the doorknob.

I stood, shell shocked as I watched my mother, on her knees taking a man's penis in her mouth.

I whispered, "Jezebel" to myself, but she had heard me.

First was registered shock, followed by horror, and then anger.

The man took off quickly, claiming he wasn't paying her for her services and that she was going to be blacklisted. My mother panicked.

The next thing I knew she was demanding answers on why I was home.

After Renee stopped screaming at me, she left. I cried and questioned everything I knew.

"Why would you let her take me?" I screamed at Him. "Just tell me what you want me to learn. Please..." I choked, "Please! Why did she take me, why did you let him die, WHY?"

Before that day I knew very little about sex. I understood the basics of what went where and that I wasn't suppose to do it. I knew the Bible said sex was only supposed to happen between a husband and a wife; having sex outside of wedlock was sinful. That night I made my commitment to God that I would wait for my husband.

_"Without faith it is impossible to be well pleasing to him, for he who comes to God must believe that he exists, and that he is a rewarder of those who seek him." Hebrews 11:6_

When I had first began reading the Bible, I knew it went hand and hand with church. With the constant moves and never knowing where I truly fit, I hadn't gone. I felt that I could have faith and believe in Him without having to sit through a sermon each Sunday.

I assumed the man was true to his word when Renee packed us up and moved us to Phoenix two weeks after the incident. After that night our relationship became more strained. I noticed Renee at home more, but she still continued to ignore me most of the time.

I had been walking home when I stumbled on a woman passing out fliers for a church called _Pentecostals of Phoenix_. I grabbed the brochure and kept walking.

I noticed their service hours and one seemed convenient enough to attend- Sundays at 10 AM. What caught my eye was a blurb about a youth program.

_"The POP Youth (RISE) is a group of dynamic young people who love God and having fun! Through organized youth events each month, area youth rallies or just hanging out with each other, they are able to learn and grow together (and have a lot of fun in the process!). The Youth Group is geared for ages 13 - 25."*_

_"So that with good courage we say, "The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6_

I was terrified when I walked into POP for the first time. There was music playing softly and groups of people in every direction chatting aimlessly, while a man in a button down shirt and slacks welcomed everyone inside.

"Welcome, I'm Pastor David," he greeted me with enthusiasm.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw an older woman take notice of our conversation.

"Thank you," I managed to squeak. I had no idea why I was so nervous. It could have been from the overwhelming amount of people or the immediate sense of Him, but my hands shook slightly.

"What is your name?" he asked. His voice was calm and polite. I really shouldn't have feared him, but I was still uneasy.

"I'm Bella Swan," I answered with my eyes on the floor.

"I don't believe I've seen you before?" His question was innocent, but I felt as if I was being judged.

The older woman I had noticed before interrupted our conversation to introduce herself. Her name was Mary and she was his wife.

She introduced me to a few of the other women around before directing me to my seat.  
The first Sunday I attended, Pastor David was giving his sermon on acceptance.

While I sat in my seat I could feel Him, although I still didn't completely feel comfortable. I told myself that if in a month I still felt uncomfortable, I would try a different church.

_"In my trouble I called upon the Lord: and the Lord heard me, and enlarged me." Psalms 118:5_

My initial fears and apprehension towards POP turned out to be completely unfounded. I was asked a few times what my "story" was, but overall everyone was welcoming and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.

Things at home had turned around drastically. After we had moved to Phoenix, Renee met Phil. I was leery of him at first because she tended to jump into things feet first without thinking. When he joined us for dinner I could see the love in their eyes. They were completely perfect for each other.

Another year passed, and that summer Phil and Renee decided to spontaneously elope at the Justice of the Peace.

Life seemed to finally be flowing in the right direction for us. My grades were strong, my faith was strong, and we were happy.

_"For we know that if the earthly house of our tent is dissolved, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal, in the heavens." II Corinthians 5:1_

I remember the knock on the door with the officer standing on the opposite side waiting to share the news. Renee and Phil had gone out to dinner. On their way home, a drunk driver had crossed into their lane and struck them head on. They both died instantly.

When the officer questioned me about family I didn't know what to say. I wasn't aware of any living family members.

I stayed with Pastor David and Mary for about a week before Phoenix PD uncovered that Police Chief Charlie Swan was not dead. Charlie had been notified of the accident, and was pleading with them to send me home.

As the officer relayed the message, I was stunned speechless.

_First, my father was alive._

_Second, he wanted me._

_Third, I would have to leave everyone I knew._

I prayed and prayed and called to Him to give me all of the guidance and strength He could.

After a river full of tears, countless hugs, and promised calls, I boarded a plane to Washington.

_"The Lord is my strength and my praise: and he is become my salvation." Psalms 118:14_

"Isabella?" A man's voice called as I walked to claim my baggage from the carousel. I had prepared myself for this moment. Looking into his eyes, I saw what was reflected back to me my entire life. Instantly, I knew this man was my father.

"Bella," I corrected. He immediately smiled and I hoped my mirrored one appeared genuine.

"You're all grown up now," he commented.

I grabbed the two suitcases that symbolized my previous life, and put them in the trunk of a Fork Police Cruiser.

When I inquired about a church, it seemed to take him off guard.

"You go to church?" Charlie asked in shock.

I nodded.

"Oh! Well there is a small church. It's run by Pastor Carlisle Cullen. He, his wife, and children moved to Forks a few years ago. His wife, Esme is her name, wanted out of the city. They have um, I think three children. Good kids. I think two of them are around your age. You'll see them at school."

Charlie inquired about my license, and I was happy to share with him that I did, in fact, have one. I was very thankful Renee had kept Phil around. On my sixteenth birthday I passed my test only after he taught me how to drive. Charlie assured me he'd find a vehicle for me to get around in.

Walking into my childhood room flooded me with emotions I wasn't expecting.

The first thing I noticed was Charlie hadn't changed much of anything. It still semi looked like a nursery or toddler's room, but he added a full sized bed and a desk. He explained to me that he wasn't sure what I'd want or need, so whenever I was ready to go shopping to let him know.

The weight of the situation began to fall onto my shoulders like a bolder.

My dad was really alive.

My mom was really gone.

I had a whole new life to adjust to, again.

Charlie didn't seem like the type to pry, which I was also thankful for. At that point I wasn't sure I could express my feelings.

He told me that I was expected at school the next day, so I could take whatever time I needed to get organized. When I asked about dinner he told me he generally ate at the local diner once he got off his shift. I let him know I'd begin cooking. I actually liked to cook, and diner food couldn't be healthy. The last thing I needed was for Charlie to re-die on me. I'd really have no one outside of God, who I was pretty sure Department of Child Services wouldn't award custody to.

I asked if he'd take me to the grocery store. He handed me a handful of money, and dropped me off. Charlie needed to swing by the police station to check in, but said he wouldn't be long.

_"I command these things to you, that you may love one another. If the world hates you, you know that it has hated me before it hated you.." John 15:17_

The Thrifty Mart was a million times smaller than I was used to. I scurried up and down the aisles grabbing not only basics, but also items I used most often.

I was so in tune with shopping that I didn't realize I almost plowed someone over.

"Oh Gosh, I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going and..." I fumbled, "Are you okay?"

The girl, who couldn't have been much over five foot, with short black hair and green eyes, smiled up at me.

"Oh I'm fine," she shrugged off.

When I turned to walk away she called out to me.

"You're Isabella Swan?" It came out as a question.

"I go by Bella."

"I'm Alice. It's so nice to meet you." She smiled. "You start school tomorrow, right?"

I nodded.

"That's awesome! I hope we have classes together."

Alice seemed extremely welcoming, but I wondered how she knew about me. I had only been in town for less than four hours total. That aspect of small town living was foreign to me after living in Phoenix for so long, and I knew it would be an adjustment.

"Well, I'll see you at school tomorrow," Alice announced before walking off in search of whatever she was in search of to begin with.

That night I knelt down for my nightly talk with Him. I asked Him to continue to keep my mom safe, to watch over my dad, and to please keep me from making a fool of myself the next day at school. I knew my last request was selfish, but I was only human.

_"Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God." Romans 12:2_

Charlie dropped me off at Forks High School, but not before swearing he'd have a car for me once I got home. In the office I met Mrs. Cope. She handed me a schedule and a map before I was set out on my own.

The only person I knew at school was Alice, but it wasn't until my third class that I saw her.

"You can sit with us at lunch," Alice whispered to me.

"Um, okay," I replied.

At lunch I met several people. There were Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley, who appeared to be a couple, Angela Webber and Ben Cheney, who were both extremely nice and friendly, and Lauren Mallory and Tyler Crowley. Alice was more like an outsider, being talked around instead of talked to.

When the cafeteria door opened loudly, I turned and saw the most gorgeous boy I'd ever seen. His hair was bronzed and messy. He had piercing green eyes and a strong angled jaw. Alice excused herself for a minute before walking over to him. When the boy's eyes met Alice's, his expression warmed. It was obvious they were friendly.

"Don't bother, Bella, he won't date you," Jessica's voice snapped me out of my trance before I blinked back in shock. "Sorry, it's not you. That's Edward Cullen and apparently no one in this school is Christian enough for him. Just trust me on this; if he wasn't so devoted to God, I'd think he were gay"

"I wasn't planning on it," I mumbled before turning back to my food.

Cullen...Cullen, I had heard that name before. Then it clicked; my dad had mentioned the Cullen's. He had said he was the pastor of the church and had three children.

"Bella, I wanted to introduce you to my brother. This is Edward," Alice announced with a grin on her face.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," Edward's velvet voice cut right through me. My stomach began to churn and I was startled by my reaction to him.

"You, too," I muttered. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks as I looked down, twisting my ring back and forth.

When the lunch bell rang, I felt like I could breathe again. That was until I realized I had Biology class with Edward, and I was now his new lab partner.

Charlie was waiting in the parking lot when the final bell rang, and I was happy. I had survived my first day of my new school, but I was utterly terrified of my new found feelings for a boy named Edward Cullen.

Charlie secured me a vehicle right after school. It was a huge, loud, gas guzzling red truck, but it would drive me from point A to B.

_"Be subject therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7_

When Friday rolled, around I assumed the day would progress like the rest, but the first thing to change was lunch. Edward was normally quiet while the others talked around him. Today he came alive, and was much more active in the discussions going on around him.

I continued to stay quiet until they began talking about the church's youth group. A game night was planned, and everyone sounded like they were going. When I asked if I could come Edward's face immediately snapped to me. I blushed and began twisting my ring. It hadn't been the first time, nor the last, that I had used that as a nervous tick, but this time Edward seemed to have lost his breath for a second.

_"Pastor David?" I questioned at my third meeting with the youth at POP. "What is that basket of rings? I noticed at the last two groups it's been set out, and I was wondering what they meant."_

_"Bella, do you know what the Bible says about marriage and things you wait for?" he answered my question with a question._

_"You mean intercourse?" I could have said sex, but he seemed to be slightly flustered already and I wondered if I should have asked Mary._

_"Yes. Those are purity rings. It's to be worn on your ring finger, on your left hand and only taken off to be replaced by your wedding ring."_

_I walked over to the basket and began shifting through the small plastic bags carrying a single card with a solitary white gold band. Most of the cards read "For The Lord". I continued to dig and found a lone band on the bottom with a Hebrew symbol. When I saw that the card read "For My Husband", I knew it was my ring._

Edward's reaction immediately caused me to look up while placing my hands on the cafeteria table. He gently lifted my left hand and stared intently at my ring.

"Your ring is beautiful." His tone was soft, almost how you would talk to a small child, but without the air of superiority.

"Thank you." The symbol on my ring was in Hebrew and for as many things as I knew about Edward, reading Hebrew wasn't one of them.

"Edward, it's just a ring," Lauren sneered at us.

Edward blinked up at her, but didn't miss a beat before telling her, "So it may be, but the meaning behind it is glorious."

The bell sounded and everyone left the table for their respective classes. Alice left us with a knowing smile.

Mr. Molina announced that we'd be doing a lab, which meant we'd have to talk to each other. I was nervous, and the butterflies had yet to die down. Normally by the middle of Biology class I would have my stomach somewhat back to working order, but that was because Edward and I weren't talking. His voice alone could melt me, and that scared me. I had never had feelings for anyone like this before. Despite praying for guidance, I hadn't seen any distinctive signs yet and I wondered if this, if he, was going to be a test of my faith.

"I'm sorry for putting you on the spot. It's just...um, do you go to church, Bella?" His sudden change in direction caught me off guard, but I decided not to press.

"I went to church in Phoenix," I answered.

"Are you coming tonight?" I could see what looked like hope in his eyes, or maybe it was me projecting hope. Whichever it was, he was very pleased when I told him yes. He even offered to drive me since I was still getting to know the area, and because he made me weak, I said yes.

_"Let all that you do be done in love." I Corinthians 16:14_

I rushed home after school to get ready for youth group. I made a quick dinner for Charlie and left him a note explaining where I was and when I'd be home.

The note leaving was an entirely new concept to me, and one I was still getting used to. Charlie had, in no uncertain words, said he trusted me; he just needed to know where I was. I figured since he bought me a truck, picking up a pen was the least I could do.

Edward appeared at the door at exactly 5 o'clock sharp. He was also dressed in different clothes than I had seen him in school. While I was used to seeing him in a hoodie with denim jeans, he was now in a black striped button down shirt with black slacks.

"You okay?" he asked as I finished locking up the front door.

"Yeah, sorry just a little nervous." I didn't usually handle large groups of people well, and I wasn't sure what to expect.

"Don't be," I looked up to see him smiling brightly at me.

Edward escorted me to his car and opened my door. The ride was quiet with soft classical music filling the air. One thing I appreciated about Edward was he never felt the need to talk just to fill space.

When we pulled up to an older building with a small steeple, I knew we'd made it. The outside was an old white cobblestone building with an archway over the front door and a cross above it. If Edward hadn't parked I probably would have missed it. The area of Forks didn't appear to be used much anymore. I could see the remains of an older playgroup about five hundred feet away on the opposite side of the street.

Edward once again opened my door and took my hand. Right before entering under the archway, he whispered in my ear not to be nervous. At that moment, my thoughts were a million miles away from the church I was now walking into and focused on the boy who continued to hold my hand.

Game night was fun. Alice was insanely competitive and Edward was really quiet. We were able to talk at certain intervals, but never about anything serious. I found out his eldest brother, Emmett, and his wife, Rosalie, would be relocating to Forks at the end of junior year. Emmett had been studying to become a pastor and would be taking over the Youth Ministry for the church.

When it was over, Edward dropped me back at my house.

"Thank you for bringing me." I smiled at him to which he returned.

"You're welcome. I have to be at church a little early on Sundays, but if you'd like me to drive you again it would be an honor." His last word stuck out to me, because I had every intention of driving myself, but when it was put like that it made me feel like saying no would somehow let him down. So I agreed, even if it meant getting there twenty minutes earlier then what was expected of everyone else.

To my surprise Charlie didn't have much to say about my "non-date". He asked if I had a good time and thanked me for leaving not only dinner, but the note.

_"But now faith, hope, and love remain—these three. The greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:13_

Saturday passed by without much excitement. I caught up on my school work while getting the basic chores done around the house. It was very obvious Charlie was used to the "bachelor" lifestyle because the first time I went to dust I felt like I was going to suffocate. Thankfully, after a day's worth of work, the counters shined and the wood glowed.

Charlie had already taken off to go fishing with his friends when I woke up on Sunday, so I wrote another note and left as soon as Edward arrived.

The drive to the church went much like Friday night, only this time Christian rock played in the background. I glanced over at Edward every few seconds to admire how beautiful he was. I knew I was slowly developing feelings for him, feelings that went beyond friendship, but I wasn't bold enough to say that to him. Jessica's word slowly began to haunt me:

_"He doesn't date"_

_"Not Christian enough"_

I wasn't sure how true her words were, but I was too scared to flat out ask. I didn't want to assume too much and have Edward not want to talk to me anymore. Despite having more than platonic feelings for him, I did value his friendship. If that was all he was willing to give, then I'd be okay with that.

When we arrived, Edward escorted me in to the main sanctuary. I smiled as he darted off in search of the paperwork that needed to be set out on the welcome table.

"You must be Bella?" a sweet female's voice asked from behind.

I turned around to find a woman staring at me. She was about my height with light brown hair, green eyes, and a very welcoming smile. It took me a second to realize she looked just like Edward.

"I am. You must be Mrs. Cullen?"

"Oh please, call me Esme. It's so nice to meet you! Alice hasn't stopped talking about you since she ran into to you at the store and Edward...well, he talks a lot about you too," she gushed.

If Edward was talking to his parents about me then maybe that meant he liked me too?

"I must introduce you to Carlisle. He's going to be so excited you're here. Did you go to church in Phoenix, Bella?" She questioned and I nodded. I gave her an abridged version of how I found the church and their youth growth. She seemed enthralled.

Edward still wasn't back when his father walked up.

"Bella, welcome to our church! We're so glad you've decided to join us! Our kids haven't stopped talking about you since you got here. I'm sorry I wasn't at youth group on Friday to meet you, but I was called away for an emergency," Carlisle explained but I just nodded.

We talked for a few minutes before Edward walked up, announcing the table was done and the doors were opened. I looked up to tell him that I could have helped him, but our eyes connected and I froze. His face was angled down at me, and the same spark I'd felt when I decided to make this new church my home ignited in me again. It was at that moment that I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings a secret much longer.

I looked up to see both Pastor Carlisle and Esme smiling at us, but they didn't say a word before they walked off to greet everyone walking in the door.

Alice found us shortly after and introduced me to her boyfriend, Jasper. He went to the high school in Port Angeles, but would drive down on the weekends to spend time with Alice. He was very quiet, but also incredibly nice.

I had seen in my old church that the Pastor's family had a section of seats that they always sat in towards the front of the group. I had assumed it was like that everywhere so I tried to excuse myself so I could find somewhere to sit, but Edward wouldn't drop my hand. He then led me to a seat right next to him where we stayed while Carlisle spoke.

The day's service was on forgiveness, and through most of it I felt like he was speaking right to me. I knew there were things I still needed to forgive my mom for- stealing me away, no stability, choosing others before me, lying about my dad, and so on. I knew forgiveness was not all or nothing, so I felt okay knowing I needed to do it, just waiting until I truly could.

When the service was over I had assumed Edward would just drop me off at home, but he actually invited me out on a walk behind the church. If it were anyone else I would have felt uncomfortable being alone in the woods, but I knew I was safe with Edward.

_"Walk in love, even as Christ also loved you, and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling fragrance." Ephesians 5:2_

The area behind the church was breathtaking. Trees lined the area, all thick with lush green leaves. After living in Arizona for so long, it was such a change to see green everywhere.

Edward took my hand but remained silent as he maneuvered us through the woods. We'd been walking about five minutes, and I was about to ask where we were going until I saw a break in the trees sheltering a small meadow in the middle.

"Um, I found this one day a few weeks after we moved here. I come here to think a lot," Edward explained to me. "I know you're used to Arizona and it's not much, but..."

I cut him off quickly. "It's gorgeous and more than enough. Thank you for sharing this place with me." I smiled as I took a seat next to him.

Deciding it was my time to talk and perhaps reveal my feelings, I asked Edward why Jessica had said he didn't date.

Shock overtook his face, and I almost regretting asking.

"She said that? Hmmm... well, it's not that I don't ever date. I'm not against it. It's just if I'm going to take the time to meet someone, putting my heart out there, I want to at least be able to see a future with the girl. I'm not saying I have to see the white picket fence and the two point five kids, but I don't really believe in casual dating. Does that make sense?"

"That makes a lot of sense, actually. I pretty much agree with everything you just said."

He nodded.

"I'm not surprised Jessica told you that, though. She's a nice girl, I guess, and I know she tried pursuing me when we first moved here, but I just never felt that for her. Sometimes I wonder how much she really agrees with what she says.

"I...um, dated a girl for a while before we moved. Her name was Tanya and when I first met her she was sort of a mess. Weird parent relationship, didn't always act appropriately, but she seemed interested so we went out for a while. She started coming to church, started wearing a cross, could quote the Bible to anyone, but it was all superficial. I overheard her talking to one of her friends that the only reason she went was for me and she didn't agree with any of it. I guess I've been leery of that ever since. I mean, I want someone who shares my believes. Faith is extremely important to me, but I also want her to sit next to me in church because she wants to be there for God first, me second.

"I'm so sorry I'm rambling, I'll shut up now."

I chuckled at him. This was the most I'd heard him speak about anything really important before, and I didn't mind listening.

"Don't be sorry, I like getting to know you. You wouldn't be you without those experiences."

Silence overtook us again for a few minutes before Edward asked if he could ask me something personal. I looked up him and shrugged.

"What does your ring mean to you?" Edward's face held a slight blush, and I couldn't help but look away.

I took a deep breath and thought about my answer for a minute.

"Well, it means a lot of different things to me. Patience because I know there is temptation everywhere. Faith because I have to believe He has a plan for me whether it means I meet my one now or twenty years from now. Purity because when I walk down the aisle I want my husband to know there is only and will only be him to share that part of myself with.

"The thing is, when I was fifteen I was supposed to go to a sleep over. I was so excited, but then the girl got sick so I went to the library instead. When I came home I um...well I didn't know it, but my mom was a prostitute. I um, I vowed that night to wait.

"Now I'm rambling." I shut up and continued looking away. Edward reached for my hand and simply held it in silence.

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah." A set of tears began to fall. "She wasn't around much, so I almost forget sometimes. I'm just thankful she had found her one before she died."

"But your dad?" I could tell he was confused.

"They weren't meant to be. She ran off with me when I was two, but now that I know my dad, no way. I'm thankful to be alive, but for them just no."

"I get it."

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"Do you um, think less of me now that you know about my mom?" The truth was, Edward talked about Tanya having a jaded past, so I wasn't sure if my confession just knocked me out too.

"What? Gosh no, Bella. If anything I think more of you." He pulled my face so that I was looking straight at him. "To grow up like you did and not become that shows your strength. You're incredibly strong, Isabella Swan, and so special. I could never think less of you."

I smiled while he looked away for a minute before refocusing on me.

"Bella, I would never want to assume anything and I'm sorry if I'm being too forward, but from the second I saw you I knew you were different. You're honest, and caring, intelligent, funny, but most of all so genuine and real. I knew you had just lost your mom, so I didn't want to say anything, but I'm not sure I can hide my feelings anymore.

"I honestly think you're amazing, Bella. I guess what I'm asking, is would you consider going on a date with me?"

Edward looked so nervous and vulnerable, but I realized what he had said.

"I think you're equally as amazing, Edward. Of course I will."

"Okay."

We didn't stay much longer before heading home. On the drive back to my house, Edward asked if we could go out on Thursday. Friday was a school holiday and we'd have youth group that night, so Thursday night was the next logical day to go out on.

When we got back to my house Charlie still wasn't back yet, so Edward walked me up to the door and placed one singular kiss on my knuckle, just above my ring. The look in his eyes made my knees weak and butterflies invade my stomach, but I wouldn't have changed that moment for the world.

_"Yahweh is near to all those who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." Psalms 145:18_

When Charlie got home that night I asked him if he had any rules on dating. Of course that immediately got his attention, but he agreed that as long as I respected curfews and told him where I was, he was okay with me going out with Edward. He attempted to give me a talk about relationships and sex, but I quickly cut him off. Not only had Renee covered that with me, quite literally, so had the Bible.

The school week seemed to fly. Several eyebrows were raised when Edward drove me to school and held my hand at every possible second. At lunch the first day, Jessica flat out asked if we were going out, to which Edward immediately declared we were. I smiled up at him, but I didn't miss the glares from both Jessica and Lauren afterwards.

After the first day no one treated us any differently. Alice and I were becoming closer; she was like a sister I had never had. She even offered to come over to help me pick out an outfit for our date night. I let her, and before I knew it, I was waiting for Edward in a modest royal blue v-neck sweater and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans with grey ballet flats.

Charlie knew about the date and made it a point to come home early. He warned me though, which I appreciated, but I was still nervous.

Alice had only been gone for about twenty minutes when I heard the door ring. I slipped out of my room and began making my way down the stairs when I heard Charlie welcoming Edward in. I decided it would be a good time to be sneaky, so I waited towards the top and listened.

"I'm here to pick up Bella." Edward was always so formal with adults, but I actually liked that about him. It showed he was respectful.

"Come on in, Edward. I'm sure she'll be right down. I was just cleaning my gun for work." I stopped myself from gasping; I had no idea he was planning that!

"I see. How often do you have to use it?" Edward's voice was wary.

"Well, you are the first guy to pick up my little girl for a date."

"Sir, I promise to treat her with the utmost respect."

Charlie started laughing, cutting Edward off, and told him he was just giving him a hard time.

I decided to make my presence known and cut Edward loose from Charlie.

"Wow, Bella," Charlie commented.

Edward spun around and I watched his face light up.

"You look beautiful," He half whispered.

With a promise of being home by midnight, Charlie let us leave.

"I'm sorry if he was rough on you," I said as soon as we got on the road.

"Not as bad as I was expecting. I can only imagine..." He cut himself off, but I knew what he meant.

"So where are we going?" I decided to change topics.

"Oh yeah, I figured we'd eat at a little Italian place in Port Angeles. Wait, do you like Italian food?" Edward being nervous was really endearing to me, so I just nodded.

We talked about random stuff for the rest of the drive before finding a place to park within walking distance of the restaurant.

Despite the hostess attempts at catching Edward's eyes, she was ignored as we took our seats. One look at the menu and I knew what I wanted.

"So how are you liking Forks?"

I raised my eyes at him and he chuckled. I was just as nervous as he was, so it was nice to know I wasn't alone.

"Edward," I laughed. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I knew when Edward asked me out it meant he saw a potential future, and I did to, but we were only in high school. Who knew what would happen with college and beyond. I had always wanted to be a writer or even a teacher, which meant my options for colleges were pretty much endless.

"Well I've been struggling with that lately. I've always been torn between doctor or a Minister. I really love helping people and have always been fascinated by medicine. Then Emmett decided to become a Pastor and I almost feel like I should follow too, ya know?"

"I'm sure He'll help you decide soon," I smiled.

Edward sat back in his chair, taking in what I said before reaching out for my hand. Our intertwined fingers rested on the table top.

"You make it so easy," he murmured.

"So easy to what?" I wondered.

"To fall for you. I swear there isn't another woman on the planet as amazing as you are."

I blushed scarlet. Before we had a chance to say anything else our food arrived.

Over the course of the night I realized Edward and I were into a lot of the same things. Our reading tastes were similar along with our music, which I already knew. We both had a strong spiritual relationship with God and we both agreed on a lot of the basics for life. I also shared that I aspired to teach or write, but I ultimately wanted to become a mom. I was by no means saying I was willing to marry him tomorrow, but I could see that down the road.

The drive back was relaxing as we just enjoyed each others' company while listening to music.

Edward walked me to the door when we got back. I was pretty sure I saw Charlie's shadow behind a curtain, but it didn't stop Edward from peering down into my eyes and placing a chaste kiss on my lips. It was sweet and innocent, but set my entire soul on fire.

_"The Lord keepeth thee from all evil: may the Lord keep thy soul." Psalms 121:7_

The next day Edward picked me up for youth group and everything seemed to fall into place. I was becoming more comfortable with everyone around me. Alice was quickly becoming my best friend and I adored Edward's parents.

Despite the sun being partially down when group let out, Edward and I still decided to take a quick walk to the meadow. It was nice when it was just the two of us, especially since we both knew where we stood on the important topics.

"I'm sorry, I know you have to be home soon, but there was something I really wanted to try." He looked nervous which had my interests peaked.

With one hand he gentle cupped my chin and tilted it towards him.

"Is this okay?" he whispered a few inches from my mouth. I could only nod.

When our lips touched it felt like fireworks. Edward deepened our kiss within seconds. I could feel the tip of his tongue on my bottom lip so I slowly opened my mouth to allow him entrance. We continued kissing for what felt like hours, but was only mere minutes.

We broke away, both panting.

"Wow," I said as I caught my breath.

"Yeah, wow. I wanted to do that last night, but your dad..."

I shut him up as I pushed my lips back onto his.

We stayed in the meadow for another twenty minutes, kissing and exploring, neither one of us pushing past the invisible boundaries we both knew were there.

After our second time in the meadow, Edward and I started going there more often. Forks didn't have much to do, so sometimes I'd bring a book or Edward would bring his iPod. Then there were times we would sit and discuss the Bible.

Even though Edward and I shared the same faith, it didn't mean that we were automatically on the same pages. Some days we'd simply bounce thoughts off each other.

"Okay you're next," I teased. We had both been asking each other random questions about the future. It helped us not only get to know each other further, but also learn our expectations for the future.

"Children?"

I sat up and looked at him. That was a serious topic. When I saw the look on his face I laid back down and looked at the sky.

"Well, I want them one day. One or two maybe; I'd just like to be settled first."

"That sounds nice. Stay home or work?"

"Stay home for sure. I want my children to know me and know that I'm there always. After my mom I just..." Tears started to flow and I knew I was about to break down. Edward rolled over to my side and took me into his arms. It was becoming a common occurrence whenever we talked about Renee. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt cheated.

"You're gonna make a great mom one day, Bella." He placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

The game ended that day with us in each others' arms, wistfully thinking about the future. We both knew college was next and if we lined everything up correctly, we'd be going to the same school. Edward was still undecided about his career choice, but I had faith he'd decide soon.

_"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time; casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7_

The weather was finally starting to warm up a little. The snow was gone and the flowers were blooming. My relationship with Edward was stronger than ever, Alice and I were best friends, I enjoyed building a relationship with Charlie, and Esme and Carlisle began to feel like second parents.

Edward's brother and sister in law, Emmett and Rosalie, were coming into town the next week. Emmett would be taking over as the youth pastor, and Edward was like a child on Christmas waiting for his brother to arrive.

Pastor Carlisle asked for suggestions to be given the next week for the summer project Emmett would be heading up for the community.

That afternoon Edward and I were supposed to head into the meadow, but chaos ensued. A little boy named Robert was missing from the Children's Bible Class. He said he needed to go to the bathroom, but he never came back.

Edward ran out of the church as I followed close behind him.

We could hear people screaming his name as a few of the adults started looking towards the woods.

The sun was shining down on the church, but when I squinted my eyes I thought I saw someone on the old abandoned playground across the street.

I began walking towards the road while Edward tried to get my attention. I pointed and he stared off towards the old jungle gym. His eyes widened as he took off running.

I trailed behind him trying to understand what caused his panic. The wooden jungle gym was shoddy at best, old and withered from age and years of abandonment. The little boy looked to be in distress as the structure had appeared to start falling apart around him. Old pieces of wood shot out from the ground forming a valley of dangerous pointed stakes, making it impossible for him to get down by himself.

Robert looked scared and I could hear the wood begin to crack. Edward struggled to get to him, but as Robert began to fall Edward reached his arms out and cradled the boy into his chest. The remaining structure fell around them and I screamed. I was terrified; a cloud of dust rose making visibility of them impossible.

I could hear coughing and the sounds of people running up behind us. I blinked a few times before I saw Edward step away from the dust; both appeared unharmed.

Robert's parents grabbed their little boy as they thanked Edward. They both began to fuss over him, looking to make sure he didn't have any injuries. He was shook up, but okay.

After speaking with his dad for a few minutes, Edward came over to me and wordlessly wrapped his arms around me.

I knew it was silly, but I had tears in my eyes. I was really scared for him even though now it seemed so minor.

"Bella," he whispered into my hair.

"Yeah?" I choked out.

"I'm gonna be a doctor." He spoke with such confidence I knew He had finally answered.

"You're going to be a doctor." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yeah," he sighed. He sounded so relieved.

"You're going to be a great doctor." I had hoped my voice held as much confidence as I felt for him.

"Edward?" I questioned after a minute. We were still holding each other in a hug, neither one of us moving even an inch.

"Yeah, sweetheart?"

"I think I know what our summer project should be."

Edward looked down at me and then to the old, withered, abandoned playground my eyes had focused on.

"Yeah, I think we do."

_"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28_

The next week Emmett and Rosalie arrived. I spent a lot of time helping Esme and Alice set up their house with just the basics they would need.

"It won't be long now," Esme mused.

"For what?" Alice asked as we stood around the kitchen table folding towels and other linens.

"Before I'm doing this for one of you." Her expression was thoughtful.

"Oh Esme, I'd never ask you to do this for me. Who knows where I'll end up?" I remarked.

"Bella, we all know who you're going to end up with!" Alice laughed. "It's only a matter of time before you go from being my adopted sister to my actual sister in law."

I looked down and tried to stop myself from blushing. Even though Edward and I talked about the future often, we were still young.

"Bella, there's no need to be embarrassed. I see the way my son looks at you; it reminds me of his father when we were younger. I'd have to say I'm rather happy with his choice. You're an amazing girl." Esme gushed.

Esme walked over and grabbed my hand. Spending time with her was sometimes hard. She was so loving and motherly, which was so not what I was used to. He was still healing my heart, but it was taking time.

"Bella, I know you're dating my son, but I want you to know that regardless, I am always here for you. If you need someone to talk to or have questions about anything...I mean anything, I'm here."

"Thank you, Esme." I hugged her. Alice came up around us and joined in.

Meeting Emmett was like being introduced to another sibling. His wife Rosalie was absolutely gorgeous, although, she was a bit quiet at first. For a while I thought it was that she didn't like me, but then I found out she was just warming up to me. Emmett was the polar opposite- loud and very outgoing. I could see the similarities in his face that made them both Cullen's, but he towered over Edward. While Edward was tall and lean, Emmett was massive and muscular.

_"If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, you will ask whatever you desire, and it will be done for you." John 15:7_

When Edward and I talked to Pastor Carlisle about my idea for the project, he was immediately on board. He told me he needed to be open to others suggestions, but in the end, my idea was chosen.

Emmett was excited to get started, and with finals behind us, we were all gearing up to start work. We planned it so the ground would be rubber versus mulch to give it a clean look. There would be several slides of different sizes and shapes to accommodate children of all ages, a jungle gym, monkey bars, and a few of the spring toys that sat out independently.

Everyone from youth volunteered to help. Edward, Jasper, Alice, and I were probably on the roster to help the most, but it didn't matter. Most of the time we'd be telling jokes back and forth while cleaning, hammering, screwing, or laying something out. The church hired a team for the ground work since no one was qualified, but once that was done it was all on us.

"Alice, you okay?" I asked when I saw her sit down a few more times then was normal.

"Yeah, just tired," she yawned. The weather had been nice, but that didn't stop any of us from breaking a sweat. We were only about two weeks from opening and it was a gruelling process, but we all knew it would be worth it.

"Alice, what's this?" I asked as I pointed to her neck where a raised rash stretched from her collarbone to her ear.

"Oh it's just from itching, all the bugs and grass." She shrugged.

"Okay, if you're sure."

We went back to work, but day after day Alice seemed to have a little less energy, a little more itching, and bruises. When I found the fifth bruise she'd gotten from barely tapping a piece of wood, I all but forced her to go to the doctor.

"Bella, I'm pale, I bruise easily. It's nothing," she shrugged me off.

Jasper walked over to see what I was looking at before jumping on my side.

"Babe, maybe you should see a doctor," Jasper spoke up. He'd come down almost every day of the summer to help, and it was nice watching them together. Alice was a bouncing ball of energy normally and Jasper seemed to be her ground cable.

"Y'all are worrying over nothing."

We went back to our work, but I talked to Esme that night. I knew it was wrong to go behind Alice's back, but I felt like she really needed to see a doctor. Esme assured me she'd make an appointment.

Alice huffed, but went anyways. It was an off day for the playground and I was at home relaxing. I hadn't heard from Edward that day and decided to call him when I heard the doorbell sound.

When I opened the door I found Edward, pale faced, red eyes, and he looked like a mess. Without a word he pulled me into his arms and broke down. Charlie had come to the doorway to find out what was wrong, but I didn't know what to say.

It was another ten minutes before Edward found his voice.

"Lymphoma."

_"But Jesus, turning around and seeing her, said, ""Daughter, cheer up! Your faith has made you well."" And the woman was made well from that hour." Matthew 9:22_

When Edward told me Alice's diagnosis I fell. Literally, I fell onto the floor and began to sob.

From there I began asking questions. Edward explained that they didn't know the severity yet, but that they were being rushed to the hospital in Seattle for treatment.

That night Edward and I laid awake in my dad's living room. He went to bed around one, but left us be.

We didn't speak at all that night. We simply held each other and prayed.

The next morning Edward and I drove up to the hospital in Seattle.

Carlisle and Esme were scared as they sat in Alice's room while they waited on her doctor to appear. They were awaiting the final tests, because even though Alice had a diagnosis, the severity was still unknown.

Alice was asleep when I peeked in to see her. Jasper had spent the night in her room and had his head in her hand on the bed.

The only thing I could think of was my mom. She had finally found her one just to have her life end too soon. I continued to pray and ask that Alice not meet the same fate. Seconds felt like minutes that felt like days that felt like years. The ticking of the clock was a constant reminder that time could be running out.

When Alice's doctor showed up to speak with Carlisle and Esme, we respected their wishes and stayed back. I could tell Edward would claw his way into the office if I would have let him, but I couldn't.

Emmett and Rosalie showed up while they were still in the office. Emmett explained he put into place some provisions for the church in their absence.

I knew everyone was praying for Alice, but I couldn't help but feel like I could have done more. Had I pushed her to the doctor sooner they could have found this earlier.

Esme was near catatonic when they left the office and I felt Edward brace himself against me.

In so many words Carlisle said there was nothing that could be done. The disease was too severe, that they would try to manage it, but there would be no cure. Her prognosis was a matter of months.

The Cullen family would never be the same after that day.

_"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21_

Alice woke up shortly thereafter and took the news better than I could have ever imaged. She told me that it was okay and that she was sorry she didn't listen to me sooner.

As the days went on, Edward and I drove up to Seattle at every chance. Emmett had all but taken over the church while Esme and Carlisle lived in Seattle. Jasper spent every waking second next to Alice.

About a week before she passed, Alice woke up while I was in her room. The once bouncing ball of energy looked no bigger than a small child- her face gaunt and her once pale skin, now greyish.

"Bella, it's okay," Alice comforted me.

"How can you be so calm?"

"I'm not scared to die. I'm going to Heaven. Bella, take care of Edward, please."

"I will."

Alice fell asleep again, but she never woke back up.

In the end, Alice passed away exactly two months after she was diagnosed. She was surrounded by those who loved her the most, and we could all find peace knowing she wasn't in anymore pain.

Her funeral was held a week later in Forks. The entire town came to honor her life.

When Edward disappeared from the church shortly after Alice's funeral, I knew exactly where to find him.

_"God, you know my foolishness. My sins aren't hidden from you." Psalms 69:5_

In the middle of the openness he sat on a blanket covering the grass. He looked up when he heard me coming, but he looked so broken, so shattered. His eyes were devoid of the man I had known just several months ago.

I walked over to him and sat down.

Silence consumed us before he asked the one question I didn't have an answer for.

"Why?"

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Alice didn't deserve this. She was supposed to grow up, get married, and now..." Edward broke down.

I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you." It was only three words, but they were the three words I had to give.

"I love you so much. If anything were to happen to you..." He pulled me closer.

"I'm here, now. Tomorrow has never been a guarantee Edward, and I don't know why, but I just...God I don't know. Between Alice and my mom, I just..." I could feel the anger rising in me and as best as I tried to squash it, I couldn't.

Inside I was screaming at Him, asking if He was even real.

If He was, why would He let this happen?

Of all the people He could take He chose Alice. Why not me or Edward?

Or was that the plan, wait for Edward and I to be happy and steal one of us too?

We were only seventeen, could tomorrow be it?

"Bella," Edward whispered before our lips crashed into each other.

Every time Edward and I had kissed before there was passion and fire, but this was more intense. Boundaries that had always existed evaporated as I allowed him to lower my head onto the Earth's floor. When I felt his hand trail down the length of my body I stiffened.

Edward could feel my hesitance and began to apologize. I quietly told him not to stop.

As our mouths melded together I pulled his shirt from his slacks and unbuttoned it down the front. As I pushed it open and down his arms he pulled away and looked at my face.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

The only thing I could do was nod.

"Bella, you are my life." His words sent a shiver down my spine.

The dress I was wearing tied at the side allowing Edward to pull open two strings before I was laid out before him.

"You're gorgeous," he rasped out.

The reality of the situation began to crash down on me as I took into view the cross Edward wore around his neck carrying his ring, _"For My Wife"_ inscribed along the center. I knew I should have stopped us, made us talk about it, but I was selfish and I couldn't.

I had spent the last few years promising to God that I would wait. Edward and I had vowed that we would wait. But watching Alice ripped from us was a reminder that tomorrow was not a guarantee. That maybe if we waited we would never have this, that we would never have us.

We both managed to get undressed with help from the other as we used our hands to explore our exposed skin. When Edward's fingertips grazed the tops of my exposed breasts I whimpered. When he leaned down to suck and lick I moaned. Neither one of us knew exactly what to do, so it became a learning process. He allowed me to touch him before deciding his willpower was fading and it was time.

My legs parted to allow him entrance as he used his elbow to keep his weight off of me. The look in his eyes was smoldering, and he looked hungry for me. A side of Edward I had never seen before. I knew when I walked into the meadow I would not find the man I knew before, but one that had grown and learned through the harsh reality of love and loss.

Edward was slow and gentle. I sucked in a gasp of air as I felt my body begin to stretch. When he reached the point of no return he remained patient until I nodded for him to push forward. An immense feeling of burning overwhelmed me as I felt tears fill my eyes. He kissed my forehead and told me he loved me, but it took some time before the burning feeling began to dissipate. As he rocked in and out of me I focused on his face. I knew that a woman's first time was not typically pleasant and more often then not it was painful throughout. I fell into that category. Although the pain wasn't unbearable, it was there. When Edward met his own release the look on his face was breathtaking.

After Edward rolled off of me we realized there was a fair amount of blood so we cleaned up as best as we could before redressing. We hadn't spoken a word and I knew the reality of the situation now sat on our shoulders.

Edward walked over after he was dressed and grabbed my left hand. I felt shame as he removed my ring and then his necklace. He swapped out our rings that day. To the average person they would never know the difference as the symbols were close, but to us we would know. I would forever be Edward's and he would forever be mine.

"Bella, I have something for you." My head snapped up to him, confused by what he meant.

"I bought this when Alice first got sick. She helped me pick it out and I planned on holding onto it until college, but..."

Still confused, I cocked my head to one side as Edward dropped down to one knee and produced a beautiful, simple diamond ring.

"I don't know what possessed me to have it in my pocket today, but I have to believe this is why. When I first saw you I knew you were it for me. Isabella Swan, I promise from this day until forever that I will love you with every part of my heart and soul. Will you please do the honor of being my wife?"

Shocked and speechless I nodded.

Edward slid the ring so that it remained next to his purity ring.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"Edward, when are you thinking?" I asked as the fog in my brain began to dissipate.

"After graduation. That should give us enough time to give you the wedding you deserve and we can get an apartment off campus wherever we decide to go. Bella, I don't care, but I don't want to wait. We don't know how much time we really have, and I vow to never waste what time I have with you."

_"Don't you be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10_

True to his word we announced our engagement to our families. Carlisle and Esme were shocked, but excited. Charlie only grumbled that Edward hadn't asked for permission, but did gave us his blessing.

Going back to church after our day in the meadow was hard for both of us. We both knew He would forgive us, but at the same time, felt guilty that we knew that, but still did it anyways. I had secretly wondered if Edward had confided in Emmett after it happened because they seemed to talk a lot for the weeks following. Rosalie also paid me a little more attention than normal, but she also told me she simply wanted to get to know me better since I was now going to officially become a Cullen. Whichever it may have been, we became close and I would forever be grateful for our friendship.

We graduated seven months later and wed a month after that. Our wedding was quiet and simple, held in the backyard of the Cullen home. Most of the church was in attendance, but we asked to keep it low key. We wanted our love celebrated, but didn't need to make it a huge deal.

Edward and I were both accepted to Dartmouth. I was shocked when I got in, but I was equally shocked when Edward informed me I didn't need to worry about tuition times two. Carlisle's father had been a smart investor and as a result left him a large sum of money when he died. Carlisle then broke it up into trust funds for his children. When Edward and I married he was given control. It was more than enough to cover the cost of school, a place to live, and the basics until we could work.

We chose to honeymoon on an Alaskan cruise for two weeks where we often spent more time in the cabin then not. Our first night together wasn't nearly as awkward as it was in the meadow, nor was it entirely painless. However by the time we docked back on the Washington coast, we had learned each others' bodies and making love had only got better and better.

We found a small, two bedroom apartment for rent in a quiet neighborhood. It was far enough away from the campus that we didn't have to deal with loud parties and drunk neighbors all the time.

_"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalms 46:1_

Our marriage was not always rainbows and honey. There were times I wanted to beat Edward's head with a frying pan. Specifically when he'd leave dirty clothes on the floor, after I'd fall in the toilet because he left the seat up, or when I'd find old food on the coffee table with him passed out. It was the little things that took time to get used to, but we vowed to never go to sleep mad at each other. As a result we'd spend at least five minutes before bed talking about our day, the next day, or anything that was bugging us.

It only took me four years to get my degree in teaching, but for Edward he had med school and residency to look forward to. At times it was lonely, but I knew it was temporary. I busied myself however I could before I found a local teaching job. Edward looked like he was put through the ringer by the end of most days, so I continued to make sure he was well fed, as rested as he could be, and happy.

The year Edward graduated from the program we took a vacation to a cabin in Colorado Springs. He had arranged for a few days of pampering while I stayed off my feet. Every night he would show me with his body how much he loved me, thanking me many times over for putting up with the grueling hours, occasional mood swings, and overload of making sure our house ran smoothly.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked on our last night at the cabin. All day he seemed nervous.

"I want to ask you something, but I'm nervous with how you'll react." I appreciated his honesty, but was slightly concerned.

"Edward, whatever it is, I'm sure we'll get through it together," I soothed as I took a seat next to him in front of the fireplace.

"I got a job offer, and I want to take it, but it means moving. I know you love your job and I don't want to ask this of you, but I just don't feel like the East coast is home."

I nodded, "Where?"

"Seattle."

Why he thought I'd react poorly I was unsure, but I immediately said yes. It was true, I loved the school I was teaching at, but Seattle was only a four hour drive to our families. There was also a countless amount of schools in Seattle, but there was another topic weighing heavily on my mind.

"Edward?" I asked once our personal commotion died down.

"Hmmm?" He looked over at me.

"Now that your residency is over, when do you think we'll start trying to start a family?"

Rosalie had called a month prior to let us know they were pregnant and that is when I felt the pang in my heart. I knew we were both still relatively young, but the hole was there. We were staring at a graduation date, so I kept the burden to myself, until now.

"Well do you think we're ready for that?"

"I am. Are you?"

"Yeah, I mean I just wanted to get my residency out of the way, but yeah, I'd like to try."

I breathed a sigh of relief that he agreed.

"Perhaps we should start um, trying now," Edward teased. I saw the gleam in his eye and we spent the rest of our vacation in bed.

We gave notice at our apartment complex while I gave notice at my job.

It only took a few weeks before we were packed up and driving across the country to Seattle.

We found a beautiful five bedroom house on the outskirts of town that was in a well respected neighborhood with amazing schools in the area.

We continued to try for a baby while I continued to pray for patience.

Edward began his job in the ER, and although the hours weren't always great, they were better than before.

When the first year mark hit and no baby I panicked a little.

"Bella, don't worry, it'll happen," Edward soothed me as I cried over another patch of negative tests.

"But..." I hiccupped as the one single line stared up at me.

"We'll keep trying. It'll happen. I know it will." Having Edward's support meant the world, but I still felt like a failure. We'd gotten married, went through college, settled down and now my body was failing us.

"We should see a doctor, it's been a year," I rushed out. Edward shrugged his shoulder, but agreed that night he would make some calls.

True to his word, we had an appointment set up a week later. The tests took several months to complete, all while continuing to try, but still no results. Both Edward and I appeared to have no problems. Of course that didn't help, so after a conversation with Rose I decided on my next approach.

"Bella, you have to just let it happen," Rosalie urged during one of our girl night sessions while we visited Forks.

"We are," I sighed.

"So you don't count, take your temp, schedule?" Her eyebrows raised and I knew she was right.

"Bella, when was the last time you and Edward made love because you wanted to, not because of the date on a calendar?"

I paused. I didn't know, I really couldn't remember.

"You're right. It's been really exhausting lately," I admitted. The truth was sex had lost its appeal to me, and I didn't want that to happen. I had never imagined having trouble getting pregnant, so I was ill-prepared to handle the emotions it caused.

"Trust Him, Bella, He has a plan for you. For you both, it will happen in its own time. Enjoy the trying. More fun, less numbers."

We both ended up in a giggling mess.

So I decided Rosalie was right; "trying" was no longer fun and we'd just wait for it to happen. We had sex often, but it was more spontaneous and carefree. More enjoyable without worrying about the charts and the numbers. Rosalie had given birth to Gabriel Jacob, their second son, and I was happy for them, but I still felt a pang of jealousy.

"Bella, I'm home from..." Edward stopped in his tracks, "Wow."

I knew Edward was on his way home from work via a text he had sent, so I dashed up to our room and pulled out a sexy nurse's outfit that I had ordered online.

"How are you feeling today, Doctor?" I tried to make my voice come across as sultry, even though I felt a bit foolish.

"Wow baby, just..." He quickly began shedding his clothes as he stalked up to me and crashed his lips onto mine.

"I'd never leave my office if you were my nurse." Edward lifted me onto the back of the couch allowing me to wrap my legs around his now bare waist.

"Really, Dr. Cullen," I purred as he entered me.

Edward took me hard and fast. It was fun, he felt amazing, and for the first time in over a year I wasn't thinking about if_ this _it or not.

When our breathing settled and Edward laid me back on the couch he gently cupped my face.

"Which day is it?" A common question he'd ask, meaning which day of my cycle should it be.

I simply shrugged and his eyes widened.

"Not sure. No more trying Edward, this is more fun don't you think?"

"Much," Kiss, "More," Kiss, "Fun."

I continued to pray as the mark of the second year passed. I continued to work at the local elementary school, but I'd wonder if it would be my last. I knew once we had a baby I would stay home.

"Bella?" Edward was hesitate. For the first time in over a year I had really thought it was my time, our time. I was late, I was starting to show a few small symptoms so I decided not to get my hopes up. I promised myself I would wait until I was a week late before testing. It was hard, but we waited, just to have our hopes shattered as the single red line stared back at us.

"I'm a fool," I muttered through my tears.

"No you're not." He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me.

That night we fell asleep wrapped up in each others' arms on the couch.

The next morning Edward started talking to me about a colleague of his. He and his wife had recently adopted a child from Asia. I feigned interest until it clicked to me why Edward would bring this up.

"No." Edward's head snapped up at me as soon as he realized I knew his point.

"Bella, I think we should talk about this," He gently pushed.

"Not yet. I'm not...no," I broke down on the kitchen floor that day. My body had failed me and although I hadn't ruled out adoption permanently I wasn't ready to concede yet. Not yet.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered into my hair as he took me into his arms.

"Not yet." My voice cracked and I could feel him nod.

The third year came and went. Edward was moving up the totem poll at work which gave him more structured hours. We visited Forks often to see our families, but more importantly our nephews. Rosalie was pregnant again, and despite her trying to hide it, we found out shortly before the four year mark.

"Why not us?" I asked one night as I stared out our bedroom window. The sky was dark and cloudy, much like my mood.

"I don't know," Edward sighed. I knew this was as difficult for him as it was for me, just a different kind of difficult. On paper we should work, our bodies do work, but together they made nothing.

Edward looked up from his papers and his beauty never dulled with age. His hair was still the same bronze color it was when we met, and despite trying to make it look more professional it was a lost cause. His eyes were still a brilliant shade of jade. His jaw was slightly more angular and almost always covered in a five o'clock shadow. He was gorgeous.

"I know that face, what's worrying you, sweetheart?" I heard the concern his voice held.

"Do you think He's punishing us?" I questioned. Maybe if we'd waited we'd have a baby, by now. I knew it sounded crazy, God was loving and forgiving, but I didn't understand it. I broke down again and heard nothing until two strong, loving, accepting arms encompassed me.

"God loves you, and me. I doubt this is a punishment. I don't know why, but Bella He hasn't turned his back on us. You have to believe that, you have to." Edward's voice was so confident I wanted to believe him, but in that moment, I didn't know who to believe anymore.

As much as I believed Edward, I still wondered if this was our punishment for not waiting.

When the fourth year came and went I began thinking about adoption. It was getting close to Christmas time which meant another trip to Forks, and I didn't know how many more times I could go babyless. I loved Emmett, Rosalie, Jeremiah, Gabriel and now baby Elizabeth, but it was hard.

"We don't have to go, Bella," Edward assured me as I began to pack.

"Yes we do. We haven't been down since Lizzy was born and it's time. it's not fair to them that we don't see them."

"If you're sure, Bella, say the word and we stay home."

I didn't know why, but I needed to go home. He was drawing me home.

"He wants us home Edward, trust me, we need to go."

Edward nodded and began packing along side me.

We arrived in Forks a few days before Christmas. I hadn't been feeling well on the drive down, I assumed a mix of a cold and winter blues, but I still wanted to be near family. Edward and Carlisle had gone out to the church to prepare for Christmas mass, while I stayed back.

"You don't look so good dear," Esme commented.

"It's just a cold," I shrugged.

Esme dropped it as I began helping her in the kitchen. We were making pies for Christmas dinner until she brought out the cinnamon. I ran to the bathroom as soon as I smelled it. When I opened the door I was greeted by Esme holding out a pregnancy test.

"You don't have to take it now or with me. Wait for Edward if you want, but I just had this feeling that I needed to have this here and I think...well, just here." Esme knew of our struggles so for her to be so forthcoming was my sign, was His sign.

I slipped back into the bathroom. Part of me wanted to wait for Edward, but I also didn't want to disappoint him if it was a false. He remained loving and patience with me, but I knew the countless negatives test results hurt him as much as they did me. This one I would do on my own, this time I felt Him with me.

I emerged from the bathroom with a smile painted on my face. Esme didn't say a word. She didn't need to. She knew, but she also knew I needed to tell Edward.

When he and Carlisle came back home I asked Edward if we could go on a drive.

For years I had thought up different ways of telling him. Just handing him a test, making a shirt, buying a rattle...you name it. I hadn't counted on us being out of Seattle and away from home, but it actually made it more perfect. I knew exactly where we needed to go.

"Bella, it's freezing. I was just here," Edward didn't sound angry, just confused.

"Please," I pleaded. I knew if I was too excited he'd figure it out, but I didn't want that. The gift I had been waiting nearly five years to give my husband was finally growing inside me and I wanted, no needed, this moment to be perfect.

"Okay," he sighed as we got out of the car. I took his hand and began walking towards the meadow.

On a snowy, cloudy afternoon in December my voice betrayed me. I wanted to jump for joy, I wanted to scream so loud the trees would echo my voice, but I couldn't. I looked up at his face, and looked deep into his eyes as I tried to speak. My voice was lost, but he knew. He could see it in my eyes.

I felt his hand leave mine as he placed his palm on my coat right above my stomach. The sun shined down on us so quickly we almost missed it. But we knew our prayers had finally been answered.

The meadow would forever be our place. It held so many memories for us; where we became "official", our first real kiss, the loss of our innocence, our engagement, and now the announcement of our baby.

_"The child was growing, and was becoming strong in spirit, being filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was upon him" Luke 2:40_

"Bella, I was just on my way home from work and wanted to know if you need anything?" Edward asked on the other side of the telephone receiver.

"Ice cream," I grumbled.

I was two weeks from my due date and everything hurt. I had to continue to remind myself that I needed to be thankful for every ache and pain, but it was hard. I was no longer working, and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Edward walked in ten minutes later with my ice cream. I was about done when I realized I needed to pee for the millionth time that day. I stood up and heard a gush.

"EDWARD!" I screamed.

He was to me in seconds.

The pain was excruciating, every contraction knocked the wind right out of me.

Edward held my hand and reassured me on how well I was doing, how much he loved me, how it was almost over. I never thought I'd be one of those women that wanted to hear that in labor, but I was so thankful to have him by my side.

"Bella, one more big push sweetheart and the baby is out, I swear," Edward urged.

_'That is what you said last push,' _I thought internally, but I couldn't speak before another contraction hit.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered into my ear as I pushed our baby out.

I collapsed into the bed. I could hear her cries as they placed her on my chest.

"It's a girl, Bella," Edward beamed. "We have a daughter."

_"Bella, when I'm a mom I'm gonna be a shopaholic," Alice announced. We were supposed to be sleeping. Tomorrow we'd be waking up early to work on the new playgroup, but we were too excited to sleep._

_"You're not that already?" I raised my eyebrow._

_"No silly! Babies need tons of stuff and clothes! One day, Jasper and I will get married and have kids," she spoke confidently._

_"You're that sure?"_

_"We're soul mates. He's it for me, just like Edward is for you."_

_"We don't know the future, Alice. No matter how much you wish it." I sighed. Life didn't come with guarantees._

_"Mark my words, you'll be Bella Cullen. We'll even have babies at the same time who'll be best friends just like us!"_

_"That would be awesome."_

_"You feeling okay? You look a little pale," I asked concerned. Tomorrow was going to be a long day and if she was getting sick she needed to rest._

_"I'm fine. Nothing will stop me from being there tomorrow. I'm so excited; I can't wait to see where Allison and Edward Jr. will play ten years from now."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Our kids. And yes, I named them."_

_Two small children ran by in my vision, playing on the playgroup we were about to start building, with Alice and I laughing while they played._

_"Sisters for life," Alice promised._

_"For life," I whispered._

Allison Mary Cullen was born on September 14th at 3:52 AM with all ten fingers and all ten toes.

_"In the day that I called, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul."_

_Psalms 138:3_

**A/N~**

References:

*http:/www(dot)pentecostalsofphoenix(dot)

*http:/www(dot)shepherdsfold(dot)com/

*New International Verison Bible


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